I have had this week working out where I see the WoD and I think, “Nope. I do not think I can do that.”
I want to quit or go home. I want to just say, “Hey, I am not feeling up to this today.” Anything to get out of it because my brain keeps telling me that I cannot do it.
But I do it anyway. I figure that our trainer goes to the the trouble to be there, come up with something for us to do, listens to us bitch and in addition I go to the trouble to go to bed early, eat well, and push Will out of bed and out of the door in the morning, therefore I should at least try it. It has been really a challenge to not just say that I feel sick and want to sit this one out. I do feel slightly sick this week, but considering that my brain lies and I have yet to actually BE sick, I think it might be mental not physical.
Self respect won’t allow me to simply not try it. And lately, self respect has been this huge motivating factor. If I plead off will I be happy with myself? No. My thoughts this week have been that I should at least try the WoD and if I feel like I am going to die, THEN I can see about pleading off.
Thing is, I haven’t died yet. All week long I look at the WoD on the board, I struggle through the normally not too bad warm ups, and by the time I hit the WoD I am doing ok. I am too in it to think about quitting. After you’ve done a round or two quitting seems like such a stupid idea because you’ve already done part of it, of course you can do the rest of it.
Also, I like to complete WoD’s faster than Will. I am not keeping score or anything, but it is wonderful to win, even if it is by 4 seconds or 1 rep or whatever. Today he beat me by 4 seconds and I was killing myself trying to row faster than him. Stupid long arms on that man…
Point is that my brain is a liar. My brain is lazy and wants to go back to bed. My brain is kind of a wang, truth be told. There is a part of it that really doesn’t want to achieve change. But screw that part of my brain. Every time I finish a WoD that I thought would be too hard, that I thought might kill me, or that I looked at and thought that there simply was no way I could do it, I feel fantastic. Because I kicked the WoD’s butt and my own in the process. Because something that looks easy any one could accomplish – it is accomplishing the things that look hard or impossible that really matter.
My sister, who is always timely with messages whether she knows it or not sent me the following Nike ad about running:
Basically, the message of this ad is to (of course, buy Nike) but leave your old self behind.
That is what I felt like I have been doing all week. My old self knows that it is getting left in my dust so it spent this week trying to convince me that I couldn’t do it.
Screw you, old self. New self can do this shit.