Oh, Gee, Hurt My Knees

This week my knees have been complaining since Tuesday.  Running around the block and at Crossfit yesterday, the hardest part wasn’t losing my breath which is what normally gets me, but the fact that running hurt my knees.

I’ve spent the better part of three days trying to figure out what I was doing wrong.  I was really worried that it was simply running every day, but it makes little to no sense to me that 5 minutes of running a day would cause my knees this much trouble.

Sitting in front of the computer last night, I realized the problem.  I am sitting wrong.  AGAIN.

So, note to self – when my knees hurt, it is because I am sitting with my feet in my lap while my knees are bent at odd angles for hours at a time.  I keep wanting to blame exercise, but really, it is the sedentary part of my life that trips me up.

Also, I have to say that bad habits – such as sitting in a way that causes chronic knee pain – are hard to break.  I simply forget that sitting that way will cause me pain.  When the pain happens I am mystified.  What?  You mean if I keep doing the same thing I will get the same results?  Astonishing!

Scary Movie – “Mama”

Went to see “Mama” last night with Will, and our friends Jen and Scott.  “Mama” is a horror movie and going into it, I knew really nothing at all about it, other than it was supposed to be good and it was supposed to be scary.

It was both.  It starts off being creepy, gives you a good scare, and then steadily works its way from creepy (scare!) to creepier (scare, scare!) to creepiest ever (all out effing SCARY!!).  Without gore or nudity or any of the other horror tropes we’ve come to expect.  It does the scary with good special effects, good acting, and a great story.  I was somewhat unsatisfied with the ending, the rest of the movie was good enough that even that dissatisfaction pales in comparison.

One of the first horror movies I saw in the theater with Will was the movie “Scream”.  We saw it with his best friend, Ray, and as the title suggests, I did, in fact, scream aloud in the theater a couple of times.  It is involuntary, and as Jen and I were comparing notes about how much we both screamed during “Mama” last night, it is not really a good survival instinct.  I mean, seriously, there is a creepy bad guy, I know what I will do!  I will scream really loudly so the creepy bad guy knows exactly where I am and can kill me faster.  Not evolutionarily brilliant.  Being totally quiet and slinking away from the bad guy while finding weapons is more useful.

When I watch horror movies with Will, which is less and less often as I get older because sometimes it is labeled “horror” and they mean “torture porn” – when did torture porn replace scary movies?  Why is that crap considered entertaining? Sick and gross isn’t scary, it is sick and gross – I have a tendency to stay anywhere from creeped out to all out scared for a while.  I have been known to have to get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and I will wake Will up and make him go with me, so he can keep a look out for monsters.  Believe it or not, the man actually thinks it is a worthy trade off to get me to watch horror with him more often than not.

After one of the creepier parts of “Mama” passed and I stopped freaking out for a minute, Will leans over and whispers, “Tomorrow, when you finally sleep again, I think we should cuddle,” which made me laugh.  He knows that the chances of me sleeping well after a horror movie are pretty much nil.  I spend most of my time lying in bed wondering if the shadows are moving and if I am hearing whispers.  What is great is having two cats who love to jump on you while you sleep, because after a horror movie, I tend to think the monsters have gotten me and forget that cats are just tiny, furry monsters that purr and have evil senses of humor.

Will delights in watching me react to things like horror movies.  I do not know why, but it makes him happy so who am I to question it?

We are getting a new bed tomorrow.  I have had a fear of The Thing Under The Bed for years now, since I was a little child.  Once I moved out of my parents house I eliminated this problem by eliminating the under the bed.  The bed goes on the floor, box springs, then bed, no under.  No frame for anything to BE under.  The classic tale from childhood is my father one night traumatized me.  My dad, when he tucked us in at night, would literally tuck the covers completely around our bodies.  He would tuck us tight enough we could not move.  It was funny, like a little game.

One night, after tucking me in this way, he asked why I still needed to have the closet light on as a night light.  I told him about The Thing Under the Bed, and as he was telling me that there was no such monster, all of a sudden, The Thing Under the Bed grabbed my father and started pulling him under the bed.  I couldn’t move because my dad had cocooned me in the blankets, but I was instantly screaming, crying, and struggling to get free.  It wasn’t until my mom came in and saw my dad lying on the floor laughing so hard he had tears in his eyes that I realized that he was not being eaten he was messing with me.  My mom sat on the bed and hugged me as I cried, and said, “Oh, Bob, really.  You are paying for the therapy bills.”

I am just glad I didn’t tell him about The Thing In The Closet.

Will loves this story and it makes him laugh every time.  Honestly, I have yet to tell this story to anyone male who does not find it funny.  Most women first say “Oh my God!” and THEN laugh, but men immediately think my dad was a comedic genius.

I admit, this is a funny story of traumatizing an 8 year old girl.  It is funny and hilarious, but when I lived on my own, at age 19, even though I knew better than to think that there was a Thing Under the Bed, I figured that not having an under the bed would make VERY certain that there wasn’t one.  I mean, really, why risk it just to have a place for cats to hide and dust bunnies to collect?

Lately, I’ve been thinking that having a nice bed frame would be a boon.  We could put some rubbermaid containers under the bed, have a little extra storage space.  Our house’s main fault is a lack of closets, so I thought this might be good for shoes, or other things one would normally keep in a closet.  I figured that at the age of 37 (38 in two weeks!) I could deal with the reality that monsters do not live under beds.

Then we went to see “Mama” and I have to say, I’ve been right all along.  Having an under the bed is just playing fast and loose with your safety, sanity, and life.  Why give monsters places to hide?

I said to Will, “No bed frame.  Box springs on the floor.”

He said, “Ok.”

I take his easy capitulation on this to mean he loves me and understands me, although it is quite possible that he doesn’t want me to start waking him up every time I got to the bathroom, and if there is an under the bed, that would totally be his fate.

Albuterol, Crossfit, & Anxiety

I have asthma.  Most of the time, I don’t even notice it or think about it, but over Christmas I had a rough time of it.  As a kid I was told it was “allergic asthma” and as an adult I can see why.  If I spend more than a few hours around a dog, or if I accidentally wear wool, or if I fall asleep on a wool rug or with a feather pillow or down comforter, my lungs tighten up and I have difficulty breathing.  This breathing difficulty will last for days and sometimes will follow up with me catching a cold, which is weird, but whatever.

Not being able to breathe well makes me cranky.  My asthma has been bad enough that awhile back my doctor had me buy a nebulizer and I have albuterol that I put in the nebulizer.  It takes about 10 minutes to do a nebulizer treatment with albuterol – it is boring, it is loud, and then I spend the next several hours with shaky hands and a feeling like I want to jump out of my own skin.  I often wonder if this is how people feel on meth, but then think it couldn’t possibly be – who would want to feel like that on purpose?

Anyway, as Will and I have been getting over being sick, my lungs have still felt pretty tight, so I have been using my nebulizer.  Friday morning, prior to Crossfit, I did the albuterol treatment and went to Crossfit, and felt like a crazy person.  Side effects of the albuterol nebulizer for me are: shaky hands and a general all over feeling of vibration, anxiousness multiplied by a thousand, intense nausea, and occasional weepiness.  These side effects mean I have to need to breathe pretty acutely to use the nebulizer, because otherwise I am a nauseated crazy person that cannot sit still but feels like puking when I move.

Good times.

The warm-up yesterday was a pretty long one, and with our trainer, Scott, now focused on improving our running skills, the WoD he had set up for us included a lot of running.  I was done with the warm-up ahead of Will and basically sat looking at the white board with our workout on it while mentally freaking the hell out about it.  It was one of those WoD’s that I read and thought, “There is no way I can do that.  I want to cry and go home.”  Now pride and sheer stubbornness will not allow for me to cry and go home, but also, I can usually tell when my emotional reactions are way out of whack with reality.  Yesterday at Crossfit, my emotional responses were completely out of step with reality, and I knew it, and I knew it was because of the albuterol making me anxious and weepy, but sitting there waiting for Will to get done so we could start the WoD had me on the verge of tears anyway.  Knowing that your emotions do not reflect the reality of the situation does not always help keep them in check.

When he finally came out to the field to do the WoD, Scott asked if he was ready and Will said no, and I just explode.  Being on a central nervous system stimulant tends to make me talk faster, as well as have poor impulse control, so I basically, in one breath in a sentence that probably came out sounding like one long word said to Will, “You know how I am anxious on a normal day and the albuterol makes me even more anxious and I had anxiety dreams last night about working out and I am very crazy right now?” to which Will, ever the unflappable smart ass, said, “No.”  I replied, “I need for us to start the workout now.  RIGHT NOW.”  He said, “Ok.”  I’m sure the edge of hysteria in my voice helped.

Me being anxious and crazy is almost as unpleasant for Will as it is for me, although I am sure he would say it is worse for him.

The WoD helped burn off a lot of the vibrating, unnatural energy energy that I had, but this did mean I was able to go faster.  Due to the side effect of nausea, I spent quite a bit of the workout simply working to not throw up, which when you are working out for time is frustrating, because the minutes just keep right on ticking away.  I did manage to finish before Will, which is a rarity, but I walked a lot more than I wanted to simply due to nausea, although lack of air was an issue as well.

What I got out of the experience is that the side effects from the nebulizer are more of an impediment to me working out currently than the tightness in my lungs.  I have a rescue inhaler, and I think I will bring that to Crossfit in the future just in case, but otherwise, I am going to force my lungs to just deal with it on their own.  Will’s vehement agreement with this plan of action assures me I am on the right path – he likes for me to be able to breathe, but agrees that the time I spend trying to not throw up is probably greater than the time I spend catching my breath on a normal day.

Overall, though, yesterday was just one of those days.  I had fairly vicious and exhausting anxiety dreams all night, so I woke up tired and somewhat sad.  Then, I started off the day with my phone going into the toilet – prior to flushing because without the grossness factor where would be the fun?  Thank goodness it was only number 1.  So, my phone is dead and my replacement won’t arrive until Monday.  Then I had the insanity of being anxious from anxiety dreams all night, compounded with the albuterol making me even more insane, then working out was more difficult than it had any reason being, and finally, when I went for my daily run around the block, instead of making it half way around the block as I did the two previous days, I barely made it a third of the way before I needed to walk.  It felt like an entire day of backsliding.

Overall, it was an intensely Off Day, at least on the exercise front.  I got my 100 push-ups in (well, 200, I spent Thursday writing my project all day and everything else fell by the wayside, so I had to make up for missing a day of push-ups, although I did mange to run).

I often wonder though if this whole exercise thing is easier for people who are not totally neurotic/anxious/crazy.  I also wonder if people like that actually exist in the world.  I tend to think not.  It’d be very lonely for them.  😉



And We’re Running… Eventually

The heat wave last summer really killed any desire to continue running for me, so it fell by the wayside.  I went from improving to really not doing well on the running front.  We missed days over Christmas from Crossfit, then Will and I got sick, so we are not back to where we were and the running has just gradually declined in general since I stopped doing it.

New task from our trainer, Scott, this morning is to run every day.  Now, he is being kind and having us start off running a quarter of a mile until we can do so without stopping to walk, something that I cannot do at this point in time.  Around the block is .29 miles, so it pretty much perfect.  Once we get around the block without stopping to walk, we up the distance until we can run a mile without stopping.  Scott’s goal is to have us running a 10 minute (or under) mile.  It would be a personal milestone for me as in the history of my life I have never run a mile – let alone run a mile in 10 minutes or less.

Scott is also going to torture us with running as a warm-up every Crossfit day.  We were doing that for a while, but then it got cold outside.  However, due to our supreme suckage (and to be fair, mainly MY supreme suckage, Will is actually pretty good at running and quite a lot better at it than I am) we will be doing running inside if inclement, or outside if clement.  I am not going to whine about this – at least not too much.  I make no promises about WoD’s that have a lot of running – I may whine a smidge, but mostly in my head.  Hopefully, just in my head.

Will balked at the whole running every day thing, especially when I clarified that Scott meant in addition to Crossfit on days we have Crossfit.  Will cited not having enough time.  Back when we were running around the block we would go around it three times and it was less than 15 minutes, so considering how much time we spend on our computers, or watching television, I figured once around the block would not really cut into our schedule too much.  Therefore, I argued with Will about it, and convinced him that he did, indeed, have the time to do this.  Even when we get up to needing to run the full mile, hopefully it will be less than 15 minutes.

There is a really great article I read at NerdFitness about not having enough time to exercise.  Basically, it breaks down why the excuse “I don’t have time” is crappy and says that a better sentence would be “It is not a priority for me.”  I really took that particular post to heart and started paying attention to how I spend my time.  How much time am I on Facebook?  How much time is spent reading?  How much time is spent watching programs on Roku?  How much time am I prioritizing sedentary activities over activities that actually get me moving?  A great deal of time.  Therefore, it is enough time to do 100 push-ups a day and run everyday, especially when Scott deems it necessary.

Will knocked his running out of the way early on in the day, pretty much right after Crossfit.

I did not.  I procrastinated.  A lot.

I have a writing project due for one of the places I freelance.  My due date is this Friday, but I am hoping to finish it tomorrow.  Now, writing is about 70% procrastination and 20% research and 10% actual writing for me.  When I have a project due, I clean my house instead of writing.  I do laundry instead of writing.  I have actually painted a whole room rather than write.  I will dust, and I am not some one who notices dust too often as most of the surfaces in my house are well above eye level for me.  It is not legal to hang out with friends as procrastination, because that is not progress and cannot be defined, even loosely, as “work”.  Watching television or reading for pleasure also cannot be defined as “work” therefore they are also no-no’s when it comes to the art of procrastination.  Procrastinating writing must fall under the header of “work” in some fashion.  There are rules to procrastination.  When procrastinating writing work the procrastination has to be something productive, otherwise it cannot be rationalized as a good use of time.

An interesting thing happened today, though.  Instead of procrastinating transcribing my interviews, I procrastinated running by writing instead.  Apparently, I have a Hierarchy of Dread.  The tedious task of transcribing is usually the thing I have to force myself to do, but today it came rather easily as my other option was running.  A quarter of a mile.  Around the block.  I spent roughly 3 hours transcribing ALL of the interviews for my current project, something I normally break up into days, simply so I could put off the time when I would have to run.

Will balks initially, but I am really the problem child.  I have a thousand ways to talk myself out of doing things I suck at.  Even though I know that if I do them, at some point I won’t suck at them.

Eventually, I had to run.  It was either run or admit to Scott and Will that I am the weak link in the chain here, and really, that’s never going to happen.  Also, the Spartan Sprint is in April.  It isn’t the Spartan Mosey.  It isn’t the Spartan Lollygag.  It isn’t the Spartan Saunter.  It is the Spartan Sprint, which says to me there is a certain amount of running that must be accomplished.  Since my anxiety about the Spartan Sprint is larger than my Dread of Running, I put on my shoes and ran around the block.  And I actually did quite a lot better than I thought I would.  I made it farther without stopping than I thought I would.  Not the whole way, but I ran the majority of it, with a walking break to breathe.

It took 4 minutes and 39 seconds.

See what I mean about having the time?  It takes me 8 minutes and 30 seconds to microwave some broccoli for dinner.  I could pop a bag in the microwave for dinner, run around the block and still have time for some pushups.

It is just a matter of doing it.

I also have to state for the record that running in 20 degree weather is way easier than running when it is 100 degrees outside.  Way, WAY easier.  When it is cold outside, you don’t feel like you are running through soup, which I think is a plus.

My main point in all of this is that I think Will is going to have no problem running everyday.  I may bitch and moan about it, though.  And procrastinate.  I foresee meeting writing  deadlines early and having a clean house by the time I get to a 10 minute mile… But it doesn’t matter if I procrastinate until it is almost dark, it only matters that I do it.  Every day.

Free to Be You and Me

Growing up in the late 70’s and early 80’s we listened to an album a lot as kids called Free to Be You and Me, and we listened to it on vinyl.  This was a project put together by Second Wave feminist Marlo Thomas, and I think it had a lot to do with the way I think and feel about gender roles.  There were little skits, songs, and stories that all made a fairly huge impact on my life and psyche.  A particularly cute little skit – don’t worry, it is only about 2 minutes long:

In high school, I often told people that when I got married I would keep my last name.  People would respond with, “What if your future husband wants you to take his last name?” and my arrogant reply was always, “No one I would want to marry would make a big deal about it.”  One of the reasons I love Will?  He didn’t particularly care.  I had a cool last name so it made sense to him that I kept it.  I am pretty thankful every day that he was raised by a feminist mother who had a different last name than Will’s father.  It allowed my arrogant, 16 year-old self to be right.

Free to Be You and Me was and is something often quoted in my family.  There is a story about a “tender sweet young thing” who always cries, “Ladies first!  Ladies first!”  and I have quoted many parts of this particular story throughout my life.  Lines such as “So hand over a whole mango please.”  It makes more sense in context.  This one is only three minutes.  Have a look.

Anyway, this album was a huge part of my life growing up and when I got older, I realized that very few people were familiar with it.  We quoted various lines from it in my family, but once outside of family confines, people would look at me blankly.

There are tons of moments when you get to know someone that makes you like and eventually love them.  One of the moments I had with Will is he was completely familiar with Free to Be You and Me.  However, he was not as big of a fan of it as I was.  In trying very hard to subvert gender roles, there is one story on the album called William Wants a Doll and the refrain from this story song is a group of mocking people singing, “A doll, a doll, William wants a doll.”  With Will being a William, you can guess what the children he was around who listened to this album with him took from it.  Not the lesson that boys can play with dolls, but more that Will should be mocked with this song.  Another one that is three minutes long.

Now, while Will was not a fan of this album due to the whole William Wants a Doll situation, he did get what I would be quoting, especially handy when mango shopping.  He even eventually came to appreciate the album as much as I do, through seeing it through my eyes instead of the lens of mockery.  Because he is awesome like that.





You Should Write A Blog

I think that writing is therapeutic.  I think that even people who do not consider themselves writers benefit from writing out their thoughts, feelings, to-do lists, what have you.  You should write a blog.

Blogs are fun because you sometimes get feedback from people.  We all have these private thoughts, private struggles, and what we think are weird ideas, but when we share them with others we find that our thoughts are not so personal or intimate – most experiences are not singular to ourselves.  The human experience is a universal one in many ways, and blogs have a tendency to help you find like minded people.  It is always nice to know that we are not alone in our struggles, our thoughts, our weird ideas, and not alone in the world in general.

Part of the reason I started this blog was to help me focus on working out and the journey I am on to be in better shape because it is brand new to me.  I spend a lot of my time second guessing myself, wondering if what I am going through is normal, wondering if everyone has such a struggle with staying on target with diet and exercise, and basically doubting myself.  By writing out the different things I experience, I am able to sort through those thoughts, focus on the successes instead of the failures, and gain perspective that helps me keep going. The focus is more on the journey itself instead of the destination this way, which makes it more palatable.  Will was joking the other day about being physically fit.  “Ok, we are now physically fit and we don’t have to worry about exercising ever again!”  If it actually worked that way!

The other reason I started this blog was because I am not thin, I am not svelte, I am still working my way there, and even when I do get to where I want to be, my body shape is never going to support thinness.  It would be nice to be a regular size and muscular, but my hips and chest are never going to allow my physique to be willowy and delicate, which is cool by me.  I would be happy with looking like a muscular fireplug of a woman. Right now I am still fat – according to the BMI calculator I am still in the land of obese, I am just an obese person who happens to be working out.  My next goal is to simply be overweight.  🙂

I read a lot of Crossfit and paleo/primal blogs and what most of them have in common is that the writers are often life long athletes.  I am not.  I am a life long couch potato that finally decided maybe the Jabba the Hut look wasn’t exactly the fashion statement I wanted to make and that maybe having knees that always hurt and being out of breath after a half flight of stairs wasn’t something a 36 year old should be experiencing.  In two years I have lost 60 pounds, which is not a major success story, but if I focus on how far I need to go to get down to the weight/size I wish I was all that happens is I get discouraged.  If I focus on where I’ve been and how much progress I have made in those two years, I don’t get discouraged as easily, because even if it has been slow, at least it has been progress.  Slow and steady wins the race.  If it takes me another two years to lose another 60 pounds, that would be a bummer, but it would also be progress.  If I focus on the journey instead of the destination, I am much more likely to keep at it.  This blog is for my own personal thoughts and struggle as well as for all the couch potatoes out there, all the non athletes, all the people who struggle with the choice of cake and cookies vs. veggies and fruits.

I have a couple of other blogs I write as well.  One is about my marriage, and why I love my husband.  I started that one because I have a tendency to complain about the problems but never really talk about the great things that go on.  This blog focuses on the great things in my relationship and helps me focus on the positive.  Also, my husband is witty and fun, and I find a lot of joy in our interactions.  Writing about the joy in life helps me focus on it more.  My tendency is to dwell on the negative or be anxious about things I cannot control, so focusing on the positive aspects in life helps me be more positive in general.

That said, not all of my ideas for blogs are positive in nature.  I think that sometimes you have to purge yourself of the negative and writing out all of the bad helps get it out of your system.  Instead of obsessing over things that make you miserable, you can purge them through writing them out.  I’ve gone to counseling for various issues over the course of my life – I think everyone can benefit from counseling if you get the right counselor – and one of the things I’ve been told when I am upset about something is to write it out.  If you are mad at a person, write a letter to them about why you are pissed.  Don’t to send it to them, you can just purge yourself of the unhappy thoughts and feelings.  Hate blogs are tremendously popular, from people writing about why their work life sucks, to why they hate a particular performer or artist, to people who simply write reviews of things they hate intensely.

Have someone in your life driving you crazy?  Start a hate blog – just make sure you don’t list people by name because it can be considered harassment, slander, etc.  Hate your job?  Start a blog about why it is awful – but be sure you use a different name for yourself and your employer because you could get fired.  Work retail?  Some of the best anecdotes in my life come from working with the public.  The public is crazy to retail personnel so often that it ends up being quite hilarious.

One of the fun things people did on Facebook during Thanksgiving was 30 days of thankfulness.  Every day they posted what they were thankful for.  A thankfulness blog would be cool.  You could write a little something about why you are thankful.

My blogs are almost always public, but if you just want to keep a journal online somewhere, you can make them hidden and private.  WordPress also allows for a blog to have up to 20 people who can contribute and write for it.  Work with people in retail?  Start a blog together focusing on the various funny/interesting/annoying things that happen at work.  I’ve got a few writer friends that I have thought would be fun to start a Bitch Blog with – just a blog where we complain about movies, television, books, work, or whatever else suits our fancy.  Blogs that are not about anything other than your life would be cool, too.

Writing is therapeutic, and I think that blogging is something that many people could do.  You don’t have to make long posts, you don’t have be a writer, and really, I think that anyone could have a blog.  So, you should write a blog.

Back To Reality, i.e. Got Lazy – Workout Dread

I had the best of intentions for Christmas.  I was going to let myself splurge here and there, but I was going to try to eat mainly on my primal/paleo diet, I was going to do WoD’s at home, and I was going to ignore the sugary sweet call of cookies.

All I managed to do successfully was stick with 100 push-ups a day.  Hooray for that win!  Go, me!

Christmas this year was somewhat idyllic for me.  We were watching my in-laws home while they visited with our family in Virginia.  They have a beautiful place, off the beaten path, and I knew that it was going to be great staying there when a flock of turkeys (and because my husband will correct me, they can also be called a rafter, a gang, or a gobble of turkeys) just kind of meandered around the back yard in full view of the windows.  They were in no hurry so I got to watch them for several minutes Christmas morning.

Then we got snowed in.  There was that lovely ice pellet rain we normally get in Southern Illinois instead of snow, but when we woke up on the 26th we had a foot and a half of snow!  It was fantastic!  Not if you had to go to work, or didn’t have a truck – then it was kind of impossible to go anywhere, but as Will and I had no where to go, a truck if we needed to go anywhere, we got to sit by a toasty fire, eat the scads of food I had brought (we were supposed to have a couple of friends come over Christmas Day and they ended up being no-shows, which was actually good as we then had enough to eat during the time we were snowed in), and play around in snow.  It was awesome.

We also were able to drink the wine we had brought.  I spent 3 days drinking wine throughout the day in between drinking water, eating meals, and playing outside.  Then two days later I read somewhere that 1 bottle of wine takes 5 miles of running to work off.  Yikes!  I would have been better off eating cookies!  Oh, wait, I ate cookies, too…

After the roads were clear and we were finally home, our trainer was still snowed in so there was no going to Crossfit.  I could have asked for a WoD to do at home, but opted to eat junk food, watch television, and laze about with the cats.

I basically spent 11 days being completely slothful and gluttonous – two out of 7 deadly sins down, only 5 to go!  What did you get for Christmas?  I bet someone got something I could envy!  😉

The last time I did a workout that wasn’t romping in 18 inch snow was December 21, so I knew today was going to hurt.  I did not want to go to Crossfit today.  I was scared of it.  After 11 days of eating and drinking like diet doesn’t matter, plus not doing much other than 100 push-ups a day, I knew that today would suck.  When Will and I both weighed ourselves this morning and found the very sad but not surprising weight gain, I was even more trepidatious about Crossfit.

I wanted to talk our trainer out of working out this morning.  Last night when texting him to see if we were on for this morning, I sincerely hoped he would say Friday instead.  He did not.  I told him that I guess we had to get back to reality at some point.

Christmas and New Year vacation is over.  Back to reality.

In addition to reality involving working out 3 times a week with yoga twice a week (although tomorrow I have work and will miss yoga, which is beyond frustrating, grrr) reality for me means going back to eating right.  I have to admit that while Christmas was completely off of my diet, I had been letting things slide here and there for a while.  Therefore, I am going to start over again with the paleo/primal diet gig with a strict 30 days of not cheating.  After I get through those 30 days, and what I am sure will be another sugar withdrawal period, I can have a cheat meal or snack every once in a while, but for now I really need to be eating healthy.  I feel better, I am happier, my acne clears up, and generally speaking most of my weird, chronic maladies go away when I am doing the diet the right way.  If the weight loss weren’t good enough incentive, the other positive factors really do help me stay on track with it.

However, during the sugar withdrawal I may be grumpy.  You’ve been warned.

We went grocery shopping today and I stocked up on veggies and chicken.  Got some avocados and other ingredients and I am going to have pico de gallo and guacamole on hand and made up as they really help make whatever I am eating taste better.  Tons of sweet potatoes for both Will and I, as he is going to go back to really counting the calories in everything he eats.  We’ve done this before, we just need to get back on track.  We are successful when we pay attention.  When we aren’t being lazy.  I do not regret being lazy over Christmas and New Year’s – I enjoyed 11 days of being lazy and having fun and sleeping in (even though I did work in there, too).  It is just that now it is time to get things back on track.  The Spartan Sprint is in April.  If I am going to be climbing over walls, I want there to be less weight on me to hoist.

Our trainer knew that it had been a while and took pity on us today and gave us an easy WoD.  He let us use kettlebells and wall balls that were lighter in weight than normal.  He gave us an easy version of what everyone else was doing.  And the WoD still kicked our butts in a very humbling way.  I think that now that we are over the initial hump of first day back it will get progressively easier, but I still have Wod Dread for Friday.  Sometimes, Crossfit causes anxiety.

In other news, I got a very nifty, very complicated watch/pedometer/heart rate monitor for Christmas that I will figure out eventually (it is a very clever device, far more clever than I).  My hope is to master it today.  Once I do, I am going to start tracking how much I walk in a day and then double it.  After a month of successfully doing that, I hope to then double that number.  They say that you should take about 10,000 steps a day, which is difficult to do when you have a sedentary job like I do.  Therefore, I need to just monitor what my normal steps are in a day and then make sure I am going above and beyond that.  I think that this will be accomplished with audiobooks on my iPod.

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!  I hope that everyone’s new year’s resolutions work out well!  Time to get cracking in the real world again!